shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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