We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
