guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
