The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
