I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
