I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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