just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize