The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
