i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
