hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
