When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
