Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
