...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
