Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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