Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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