you would pick up someone in the library
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
