i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
