Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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