I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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