They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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