Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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