I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
