i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
