What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
