great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
