My hand turned me down
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
