So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
