kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
