Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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