i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
