i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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