Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
