Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
