That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize