WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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