Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
