can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
