I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
