My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
