How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
