Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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