yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
