my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
