Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
