FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
