hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
