Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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