i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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