doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
