You can't motorboat a personality
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
