My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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