my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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