Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
