you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize