Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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