im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
