Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
