Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
