I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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