You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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