like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
