I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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