it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i barfeds in our rink
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
