the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it hurts more in the daytime
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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