Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
