This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
