i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
