the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize