I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
