Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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