I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
