dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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