thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
