How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Panties = found
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