We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
