His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
