I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
