my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
