Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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